Journals136
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disappeared... but im back
4 min read
I'm sorry I was away for so long. To be one hundred completely honest... I've been lost in love :') so much has happened in such a short time, but all of it have been amazingly wonderful and I have so many people to thank. And for my close friends here on DA, I'm sorry if I alarmed you with my absence. I finally found a doctor that was able to diagnose the problem I had with my knee. I had torn my ACL and part of my miniscus. When it happened I couldn't tell you, that remains a mystery. It must have been more than a couple of years. During November I underwent surgery and was on crutches for six weeks.
It must have been the longest six weeks of my life. I have never had to depend on someone so much before, the last time I depended on someone like that was when I was only an infant. I couldn't do anything on my own and it made me feel hopeless... My mom was so patient with me, she even helped me bathe everyday when I had the strength to. I was so grateful for my family, including Logan. But it didn't start off all flowers and hearts.For the longest time he acted like an ass. As if I was asking too much from him. I was at my wits end with him. But there was nothing I could do. He lives with me officially.
Then he breaks it to me that he was going to be gone for five days. At that point, I didn't give a shit. I told him good riddance. I thought it would give me time to regenerate all the energy I wasted on keeping him away from hurting my heart. All his words already inflicted pain, but I wouldn't let it phase me. That same night he left he text me. "I miss you so freakin much, everything reminds me of you. I don't think I can last another hour without you. I'm coming back home."
The change of heart surprised me. I still had my guard up. But I wouldn't lie to him... I missed him too just as much. The next day at four in the afternoon he came home. On my crutches, I stood at the door. His car rolled into the driveway, and without even pulling the key out of the ignition he ran up to me and embraced me. He swept me off my feet, and I just knew something was different. There was a red hot emotion in him that he wanted to pour out. His lips crushed mine, and I found my heart soaring. This was the change I was waiting for.
The day that I could tell him I love him without feeling any fear. I feel no spite towards this wonderful man that poured his heart out to me and gave his entire being to me. Literally, everything he is is mine. And everything I am, everything I have is his in return. I've found the love I've been craving for four years.
Four. Years. The love I had to leave behind because I believed it would never be mine. Everything happens for a reason, and for the one time in my life I believe this is fate. He is the one for me, and I don't want anyone else. I want to spend my years with the man that came in to my life as mysteriously as he left. I know he's not going anywhere any time soon.
He's laying beside me 
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New Stuff to Talk About :p
2 min read
Not really new, just the same shit in a different place. I moved schools because my old one was changing and I really didn't like it. I didn't feel safe there anymore, they kept everyone cooped up in the basement in the morning before classes start. That drove me nuts, I only lasted there for a week. My new school isn't all that bad, really. It's an open campus, I get to go somewhere else for lunch and I have the classes I want. I just wish I had friends there. I know a couple of people, only 6 people. I talk to them mostly at lunch, but the rest of the day I'm very quiet and I just do my school work. I Like theatre arts though. The teacher is awesome and the students are out going and they're not afraid to be themselves. I think I'm seen as that quiet girl that just gives it her all when she performs XD we were doing improv and I acted as a moonshine-drinking redneck that was in love with a boy from Vietnam haha. I come up with the weirdest things.
I feel really alone, though. No matter how many, or how little people are around me, I'm still stuck in my shell. I can't seem to escape. I don't want to, really. I'd rather keep people out, and just go on as if I never existed. I am pretty much a ghost.
I feel really alone, though. No matter how many, or how little people are around me, I'm still stuck in my shell. I can't seem to escape. I don't want to, really. I'd rather keep people out, and just go on as if I never existed. I am pretty much a ghost.
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Class of 2014...
2 min read
Here I come! I just picked up my schedule today (despite how wrong it is >.>) and I am preparing for school to start! Wow, senior year... it's already here. And I'm gonna be going off to college after that. I'm gonna have my own job, driving myself around, making my own decisions alongside my wonderful soldier. I'm a little shocked... I never thought I would make it this far :") I never thought I would have all of this to guide me to my future. Great friends from school, from the dA community (which I'm most grateful for (:] and all around that I've come to adore and cherish, you have helped me along the way, and I don't think I could've done it without you all. Thank you, for always keeping my spirits up, and for going through what has been the hardest 4 years of my life. I'm ready to close this chapter and start the new one that will lead me to my adult life. COLLEGE! I'm so excited! (Don't get ahead of yourself, Gen you haven't even started senior year.) hehe 
This is it, I start tomorrow, and I have a very strong feeling that I won't want it to end ;~; tonight I'm pulling the all nighter that I usually do before my first day of school EVERY year, and I'm gonna do it big for this will be the last time. So if anyone wants to stay up late with me and message me, please do XD CLASS OF 2014 SENIORS WHOOOO!
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Do You Ever Feel Like...
1 min read
You're wasting time on some people? The ones that have you fooled that they care.. one sign of struggle, and they're gone. I'm stuck in my old habits again, a slave of substance. I'm letting this haze take over me, and I see my colors run in the mirror. They mix all together, making a mucky mess of myself. And I start to hate myself again. I start to hate who I am, because I know of the monster I am, the atrocities I had created. I created this ugly piece of me, and I can't cry out to anyone. Because all those that understand me I have stepped on and snuffed their trust out. They don't care for me anymore, and won't help me if it doesn't benefit them. So I'll keep on drinking, keep swallowing these pills until they don't exist any longer. Until everyone is gone and I'm in my own little world...
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Where Be Thy Good Sleep!?
1 min read
OHMYGERD if I don't ever get a good nights rest soon I am going to FLIP SHIT.
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